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There are powerful forces within us that stand in our way to moving from this place to the next. We wonder why we can't seem to move, to act, to start out on our path to recovery .. or whatever path we choose. Let's look at some of the reasons we falter when we first take the step towards our goal.
"Reasons" why we might not take the first step
1. Fear of failure
2. Fear of rejection
3. Fear of reality
4. Fear of losing identity
5. Fear of pain (and sacrifice)
6. Fear of commitment
7. Fear of making the "wrong choice"
8. Fear of not being in control
9. Fear that it will never work
There is one word that is repeated in the above list of resistances: fear. Look at the above list and see whether you feel any of these "fears". Do they prevent you from taking the next step: whether it be moving towards recovery, looking for a new job or changing a life circumstance. Let's look at antidotes that may help ease these resistances:
Fear of Failure
Look at what failure really is. Failure is only failure of effort. Value your process as well as your goal. Don't make comparisons, except with yourself. See how far you have come. Whatever you do ... do it with kindness and gentleness to yourself.
Fear of Rejection
Our society is extremely approval-oriented. Often we see it as security, sometimes we are overly dependent on approval of others. We do, though, need to really contemplate this ... recognise that while approval comes and goes, we ultimately have to live with what we think of ourselves: remaining true to your conscience is the safest possible course.
Fear of reality
While fear of failure and rejection are largely concerned with how others perceive us, fear of reality is concerned with how we perceive ourselves. We tend to live inside a protective bubble of illusions. Fear of reality will turn to excitement in reality as we venture to place our toe into the ocean of experience. Experience becomes the teacher rather than head knowledge. Trust in self is a slow process but quick to develop.
Fear of Losing Identity
We tend to identify with a role or position. We become cardboard cut outs of that role and become stifled in our life. When you know you are more than the role or position you hold onto ... that you are an individual with individual needs and wants ... you are free to do your greatest at being the best you without being afraid of tests. You are as you are. Simply this.
Fear of Pain (and Sacrifice)
Fear of pain is also called the reluctance to make the necessary sacrifices. We do tend to hide behind this fear, we make excuses as to why we will not take the first step or make changes that are necessary for us to reach our own goal or happiness. There was once a wise person who said "What ever you love, you can do." If you would love to be free of an Anxiety Disorder ... then this is your first step. If it is some other achievement you would love to happen ... We need to focus on the feeling, the love or need rather than the individual steps required to make that happen. Each step in itself offer greater vision and freedom. One step closer. Focus on the motivation, not the steps in between.
Fear of Commitment
Unfortunately for some, discipline must be embraced as the road to freedom. We pursue our own life and self power, not to diminish our freedom, but rather to expand it; we expand our freedom by leading lives that are fully integrated, by doing our best to practice what we need to reach the achievement, and putting them to work.
Fear of Making the Wrong Choice
The important thing is that you make the best choice possible for you at this time. If it is not your ultimate choice, don't be concerned. You have plenty of opportunities to refine and reconsider your course once you have begun. The important thing is to begin. The worst choice is no choice. The best choice is one that feels right for you or that you love.
Fear of not being in control
This is one of the three big fears of human existence. But, when used as a resistance to avoid achieving something we long for, we need to remedy this by contemplating and recognising that our work is a step by step process that you can control from start to finish. We need to also focus on making the most of the present moment .. when true control is only possible. Be deliberate. Take it step by step. Control what you can; let go of the rest.
Fear that it will never work
This fear is embedded in a belief that our lives can not really be the way we want them to be. Perhaps we have tried various other tasks and may not have achieved what we set out to achieve. We need to look at where we stopped believing in ourself. Lost our power to dream. Sometimes we need to review the past methods we have used and see where these methods may not have been the right path for us, or perhaps we didn't give the effort required for the full attainment of our goal. We need to look at the reality of the situation. If one method has not attained the goal, we look at the reasons and perhaps find a way to take the first step. To focus on "The journey of a million miles begins with a step ..."
This New Year, look at your resolutions and see if you can work with the resistances that prevent your ultimate success ... in whatever venture you undertake!
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